What’s a girl to do when the guy she falls for is married to another man?
This is exactly what happened to me. Seeing Josh Kendal stroll out of the Mediterranean Sea wearing tight navy swim trunks and looking like a hot new James Bond was a truly delicious moment. Catching sight of his wedding ring was like a kick in the shin and meeting his gorgeous husband, phew, that was enough to make any girl groan at the cruel joke God was playing on her.
But all was not as it seemed, and when Josh needed a woman to sort out a ‘delicate predicament’ I was the one for the job – heck, what did I have to lose? Certainly not as much as him, literally.
Trouble is, emotions always get tangled, loyalties can’t help but be divided and with a night of memories so hot they'd have the devil sweating, there was only one thing for it—it was time to get honest, fight for what I wanted despite society’s constraints and open my heart to the people it needed most.
Reader advisory - The Glass Knot is an erotic romance featuring M/M and M/F love and every combination of two guys and a girl you can think of!
The term voyeurism comes from the French voyeur, "one who looks" and voyeurism is the practice of spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors, such as undressing, or having sex or, for that matter, any other action usually considered to be of a private nature. The watched is often unaware of being observed though this doesn’t have to be the case and many people enjoy exhibiting themselves in front of others – though that’s a different blog post entirely!
In The Glass Knot there is one particular scene that really poured from my fingertips when writing it. I was next to Laura, ducking in the bushes below the kitchen window, watching Josh and Nick embarking on an angry, passionate session. I could feel her anxiety at getting caught and understood the battle she had with her conscience, should she stay or should she go?
I’ve only experienced this type of sneaky peeking vicariously, through my characters, I’ve never actually stumbled on a couple going for it, male/female or like in this case male/male. But if I did I think I’d be torn between walking away and leaving them to it and staying to feast my eyes on the sexy sight.
There is something all of us find fascinating about another couple making love, and for my character Laura, this fascination has an extra dimension. She’s seen affection between Josh and Nick and found that when they kissed in front of her it was the hottest thing she’d ever witnessed. So she’s curious, more than curious, she is absolutely captivated by the two men and desperate to know what they do together – exactly – when alone. She’s even laid in bed, touching herself and thinking about them in the next room, fantasizing about what they’re doing, how they’re pleasing each other.
But Laura is really torn in this voyeuristic scene, because it’s her fault the men are angry and Josh feels the need to prove his love and desire for Nick. So I guess if you’re a cause, a symptom of what you’re witnessing, there are bigger connotations. Should you stay to see what the outcome is and what it will mean for you? But if you get spotted will it stir things up further? Read on to see what Laura does when faced with this situation…
I sat for ten long minutes, hugging my knees and staring at the shard of light that had kissed Josh so exquisitely only moments ago. I concentrated on the flecks of dust floating in the air where he’d stood—it gave me something to do and helped prevent tears of shame taking hold. Because once they did, I wasn’t sure they would stop.
Eventually, I stood and pulled my knickers and jeans up my damp legs. My mind was spinning. Part of me wanted to celebrate the fact that Josh did indeed have feelings for me—hot, steamy feelings. Another part, a much bigger part, couldn’t believe how cruel I’d been to Nick. I was a disgrace, a Judas in his house. He was a fool to have ever let me over the threshold.
I’d seen the pain and fear in Nick’s eyes, heard it in his voice yesterday. He’d known the risk of me being here was huge but said I was understanding and invited me to stay longer, because, I suspected, he trusted me. Despite this I’d let his worst nightmare happen. How horrible a person was I?
Even I hate me.
I’d broken that fragile sliver of trust, but what was going to be truly devastating for him was the fact Josh had broken his trust. My heart swelled painfully as I thought of the agony he would be feeling right now, if indeed, Josh was telling him what we’d just done. No, Nick didn’t deserve that, he was a good man, a kind man, who just wanted to live a quiet life with the person he loved.
I stood and brushed the hay from my back and plucked several stalks from my hair. I would have to go home, to London, now. Grab my bag and get the hell out of Little Mickleton.
The sun had me blinking rapidly as I let myself out of the barn. The midday heat caressed my shoulders but it didn’t warm me. I was cold—cold and ashamed.
The cat meowed from under the first apple tree I walked past, his green eyes hard and accusing, as if he knew I’d caused great suffering to his owners.
Gripping my camera, I walked down the path, hoping that I could get to the guest room, grab my case and hit the road without being seen. I just needed to think straight for a few more minutes, then, once in the safety of my car, I could wade through the tirade of emotions.
The Kendals didn’t need me in their home for another second, let alone another night.
I was thankful for my soft-soled shoes as I walked over the patio, my approach to the house silent. It seemed the blackbird was otherwise engaged on the fence, holding a snail shell in his beak, and he didn’t bother to squawk at my presence.
It was then I heard voices. Deep voices. Loud with outbursts of emotion.
I paused and glanced through the open kitchen window.
Josh and Nick were standing by the Aga. Josh was still bare chested though his skin and hair looked damp, as though he’d shot through the shower to remove physical evidence of me; it made me think of Lady Macbeth, obsessively washing her hands over and over after the murder of the king.
Nick wore a neat red polo shirt and an expression of both fury and agony. “Nick, please just listen,” Josh pleaded.
“Why the hell should I?”
“Because I love you, you know I do, with all my heart I just—”
“Clearly you don’t love me, not enough anyway, not if you just fucked her.” Nick flung his hand to the ceiling as though indicating that I was upstairs.
I pressed my fingers to my lips and held in a gasp. Josh had wasted no time in telling Nick.
“It’s not like that, and you know it isn’t,” Josh said, frustration and guilt vibrating through his words.
“So tell me then. What the hell is it like?”
Josh slotted both hands into his hair, his elbows out to the side, exposing his pale underarms with their haze of dark golden curls. “I, I don’t know. I’m just drawn to her. There’s something about her.”
Nick huffed. “There are lots of pretty women out there that have neat, soft curves and smell of flowers, Josh. What do you want to do, screw all of them to get it out of your system?”
“No, that’s a crazy thing to say.” Josh reached for Nick.
Nick stepped away, toward the island, his face dark and bitter with hurt.
“Please,” Josh said, still holding out his arms. “We talked about this. I told you I wouldn’t be able to have sex with just anyone. There needed to be an emotional connection and now we just have to work out what that means, to me, to us...”
“It means that you’ve got emotional connection with Laura, and you can’t control your cock when you’re around her. Fucking great.”
“And where the hell does that leave me? Am I old goods now? Ready for recycling?”
“Jesus, Nick, no. You’re my husband and I love you.” Josh grabbed Nick’s shoulders, bunched his red top in his fists and shoved him back against the island. “I love you so much. More than life itself.”
Nick, trapped against the granite surface, twisted within Josh’s grip. “Damn funny way of showing it by fucking someone else behind my back.” He pushed at Josh’s chest. “I can’t believe you’ve broken those vows we made. You’ve shattered the trust—trust is fragile, Josh, don’t you know that, as delicate as glass, and now it’s gone, broken beyond repair.” He shunted his whole body forward.
Josh jolted then braced against the shove. “Nick...” He stepped up closer, pinning Nick tight with his strong, bulk.
“Leave me alone,” Nick said, his voice rising even higher. “Just fuck off will you.”
“No, we have to sort this out.” They both pushed at one another. “We can fix this,” Josh shouted.
Nick let out a grunt of frustration when Josh wouldn’t give up. “There’s nothing to sort out and it can’t ever be fixed. Go to Laura, go screw her since it seems that’s all you want to do these days.”
Josh froze. His mouth hung slack. “What the fuck does that mean?”
Nick turned his head to the side, toward the window.
I ducked low, right to the ground.
“You know what I mean, just think about it.” Nick’s voice, dripping with both sarcasm and upset.
I parted the soft branches of a crimson fuscia bush and peered back into the kitchen. My heart was racing. They were arguing. Now was the time to go and grab my stuff and make a quick exit. But I couldn’t. I was nailed to the floor. Something about the way they were together, unguarded, unaware that they were being watched made me feel like I was seeing the real them, the side of Nick and Josh that fascinated me.
“You’re not making sense,” Josh said, a deep frown plowing across his brow and his mouth now a stern, unhappy line. Again Nick tried to move away, but Josh placed a palm on the side of his face and roughly turned his head so they were eye to eye. “Nick, what the fuck does that mean?” His voice was dangerously low. “What else have I done wrong?”
Nick stilled. He clenched his jaw and balled his fists against Josh’s chest.
“Since we got back from Spain, you’ve hardly wanted me at all. It’s always me coming on to you.”
Josh gasped and widened his eyes. “What? That’s not true.”
“It is, you’re always tired, or busy or...”
“That’s crap!” Josh’s voice was full of disbelief. “I’ve wanted you every minute of every day since the day we met. I still do. I will always want you.” He gripped Nick’s head in both hands, leaned forward and kissed him, devouring him hungrily and wildly.
Nick struggled against the kiss. Pushing and wriggling, his hands pulling at Josh’s tendon-rich forearms. “No.” Eventually he tore his mouth from Josh’s. “No, don’t kiss me.”
“Yes,” Josh growled, circling his arms around Nick’s shoulders and pulling him up tight. “Fucking yes. I will kiss you, because I do want you. You make me crazy for you.”
“The same way Laura does?” Nick shouted, banging his fists on Josh’s back, once, twice then clinging to him as though about to sag to the floor and the only thing that could hold him up was Josh.
“No, because you’re you. It’s different between us. Completely different.”
Nick seemed to find his strength and thumped Josh’s back with his fists again. “I don’t believe you. You’re just saying that.” He grabbed Josh’s shoulders and shoved. “There’s someone else in your life now. I know when I’m not wanted.”
But Nick couldn’t escape Josh’s steely hold, even when he put some serious muscle behind another whack to his shoulder.
Josh simply grunted, spun Nick within his arms, and pushed him over the island.
“Get the fuck off me,” Nick bellowed, flattening his palms on the granite surface to prevent his forehead from cracking down. His face was scarlet, his eyes flashing.
“No,” Josh growled in a voice I barely recognized. “You want me to show you how much I want you, I will. Right here, right now.”
“Jesus Christ, no…” Nick thrust his hips backward and went to stand. “Get the hell off me.”
Josh pushed him back over the island again, so he was bent at a right angle. He rammed his groin at Nick’s butt. “You want it, you’ll get it,” he said, curling one hand over the waistband of Nick’s black sweats and tugging them down.
I held my breath and stared, wide eyed as Nick’s taut butt cheeks were exposed. He wore black Calvin boxers and I could see the white writing on the waistband at the top of his hair-coated thighs.
Oh my God. Am I really going to hide here and watch this? Watch them have an angry fuck?
The kitchen seemed alive with their aggression, the strength of their limbs and the heat in their words. It was as though their unharnessed fury and passion was another living, breathing being.
I was as fascinated as I was terrified.
Josh was fumbling with his fly, one handedly releasing a zip that had only been done back up fifteen minutes ago. But then, although we’d been frantic, he’d been considerate. This was a different kind of passion. This was vying for control, being dominant. Fucking at its most basic.
“Josh, no,” Nick cried. But his words no longer matched his actions. Although he said no, his hand was down where his cock must be and his eyes had shut tight. He was no longer struggling to get up from the island. He was sprawled over it, waiting, sacrificial almost.
“I’m going to fuck you so damn hard. I’m going to fuck you so you scream my name and remember how much I fucking love you,” Josh said through gritted teeth. He tugged his erect shaft from the gap in his jeans.
My pussy clenched. The sight of Josh’s cock and the feral passion on his face would stay with me forever. This was not the same person who I’d gently seduced in Marbella. This was a man who had harnessed his sexuality and was using it in an extreme way.
I should go. This is wrong of me. This is adding to the wrongs I’ve already done.
I had to stay.
* * *
I hope you enjoyed that snippet and do share your thoughts. Have you ever stumbled across something you shouldn’t have? Was it exciting or mortifying? Did you run for the hills or duck down low and indulge in a little spying? I’ll be around to answer comments, though I’m in the UK so there may be a bit of a time delay J
Thanks so much for stopping by,
Facebook author page http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lily-Harlem-author-page/200182030094568
The Glass Knot is available on Kindle:
Amazon US - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009OR4LDWAmazon UK - http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Glass-Knot-ebook/dp/B009OR4LDW/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1350020292&sr=1-1